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Recovering metabolism/ uneven distribution when weight restored...?

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Hi, I'm new to this! But my basic story is that my recovery barely even counts as a recovery... I began to recover about 8 months ago and have since gained around 10 kg. However I didn't do this in a positive way - I simply fell into a period of uncontrollable circle binging and restricting, therefore I gained weight but never mentally gave my mind time to recover. I never did anything like MM, my metabolism is still shot and I haven't got my periods back. For the past 3 months I have been restricting pretty severely but falling into binges about once every 1-2 weeks, meaning I've pretty much maintained this weight. My stomach and thighs are disproportionately large, and I don't know whether this weight will redistribute or if it is just my body shape?? I am struggling with conflicted thoughts and don't even know if I can trust the scales any more - looking at my body, I consider myself beyond weight restored but I haven't actually reached a healthy BMI. There is no way I could mentally put on any more weight though, and this isn't the ED talking - nobody looking at me tells me I am underweight, I have large amounts of body fat. I want to make a full mental recovery now, and also fix my body properly - I have a feeling the way I've done things up till now probably haven't made my body too happy. But how do I go about this without gaining excess weight? How can I get my periods back and redistribute uneven weight if I'm pretty much healthy...?

Sorry for the long post, this turned a bit jumbled!

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Your body is not full of fat, it's full of water retention due to all the things you've done to it. I promise you, that you will not gain more weight than will look good on you if you start recovery as you should Smile You will possibly overshoot for a short while, but this extra weight will go away when your body is satisfied with a long term calorie intake and no purging. 

Sorry that no one answered you before now. This is just a forum, so no one is really in charge of responding. Next time you don't get an answer for a long time, you should write another post and hope that someone will see it Smile

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Hi Smile

Weight gain does redistribute at some point, but this can take time and is different for everybody depending on many factors.   Very Happy

A lot of people get conflicting thoughts about their weight and body image in recovery, and often people believe they are ''full of fat'' or ''overweight'' when they are actually still underweight.  Smile

People don't have to comment on the fact that you are underweight or make any comments on your weight at all... it won't change physically how much you weigh.

If you are underweight... you are underweight regardless of whether people say you are or not. Not everybody with an eating disorder looks underweight, therefore you can't really determine how ill somebody is mentally or physically depending on what they look like.

If the  periods are still missing, that  is a sign that the body is not physically healed yet, so it's important to remember that people only see the outside of your body, but what is going on inside  the body is important because you can't see what damage happens to your heart,lungs,muscles, hormones  etc when engaging in disordered eating habits.

If you want to feel better in terms of your body's health and your conflicting thoughts, I would suggest maybe trying to challenge some of your thinking to do with weight and how you could develop strategies to cope with accepting a healthy body and the initial uneven weight distribution (the weight will redistribute eventually!! Very Happy )

In all honesty, you cant really get your periods back and be physically healthy until you are indeed, a healthy weight and BMI - that is why it is so important to challenge any negative thoughts around weight gain!

I hope this helps, sorry this is so long... hopefully you can take something from what i have written Smile

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