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I think I have an ED? HELP

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1 I think I have an ED? HELP on Mon Jan 12, 2015 8:11 pm

Hello Dear ED fighters,

I think I have an eating disorder but I am not sure and I need help. I have always been described as a naturally thin person but I knew there would be a time when I would stop being one. My mom and aunts were thin like me up until their 30´s and after having children they became overweight. My aunt once told me that it was inevitable and that it was in my genes because all diets have failed on them. When I turned 18 I decided I would not be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight so I became more careful, nevertheless I gained about 10 pounds (but I still looked thin). I am 5´1 so gaining more would have been really noticeable. Four years passed and I completed my Bachelor’s degree and I did not restrict during this time. I thought about not wanting to gain weight occasionally but food was rarely on my mind.

After I graduated from University and started working I encountered stressful situations and that made me loose a couple of pounds. I liked how this looked on me as I am pear shaped and appreciated having smaller thighs, and then I restricted a bit to get them smaller. After a couple of months I lost my period and got diagnosed with hyperthyroidism (this makes you loose your periods, weight, muscle, depressed and tired) I thought the effort of restricting was not enough, I had only lost weight because of this disease. I was then under treatment to slow down my metabolism, and thought this would make me gain weight. So, to compensate I started restricting more. At this point I started having fights with my family because of this. My hormone levels got to normal again so I stopped taking the pills and continued restricting. I lost more weight and have continued to do so. I wanted to maintain all the time but somehow I always end up consuming less calories just ïn case". I am now living in another country to study for my Masters, I am alone, know nobody and when I think of food, I think of all the things my grandmother and mom cooked for me and how much I miss them. I cry every single day because I feel hopeless, I have made a couple of friends here but they are still not close to me so I have no one to talk to. And I have almost no energy, I feel slow and stupid in classes. I count every single calorie I eat and I plan my day and life around food. I don´t want to tell this to my parents because I don´t want them to worry so I keep it all to myself. I can feel my bones and I have lost a lot of muscle mass, I can tell. I know I look too skinny and unattractive and I do not like what I see but I am afraid that if I eat more I will immediately gain a lot of weight and become overweight just like all women in my family. But this is ruining my life, I just need a shoulder to cry on, a hug from someone I love.

I love all kinds of food and I have no problem eating vegetables, meat, pizzas, sweets, you name it. As long as it is once in a while and I usually restrict some calories before and after this to have “spare” calories to be spent in these foods, which I think is not healthy. I am also a broke student so I can’t afford to spend too much money on food so this adds up to the numbers going in my head all the time. I miss the days I was carefree and unconcerned with food but I remembered not liking my legs or chubby cheeks and don’t want to go back to that. Everyday I try to eat healthy but without noticing I am counting calories all over again. Help, how do I start? I don’t know if I have depression, hyperthyroidism again or an ED. I feel like I am on my own now but I am not mentally stable enough to help myself.

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2 Re: I think I have an ED? HELP on Mon Jan 12, 2015 8:48 pm

Your behaviours and thoughts are very disordered and that's why I would say you have an ED.
I know you are confused and terrified, and that's exactly why you should ask yourself why it is so important to be thin. Why is that more important than being happy, healthy and full of life? I know such a question will not make you less terrified but since you have written this post, it's clear to me that you don't want to live like you do now. Please search for help from a doctor or/and a therapist, and also from your family as they only want the best for you (they are probably worried about you already).
According your genes etc, weight gain happens to EVERYONE when they grow older. In addition, you say your older female relatives have been dieting, and that may actually explain why they're bigger because dieting really ruins the metabolism alot! They lose 10 pounds, then gain 15, freaks out and lose another 10 but gains back 15. You see the point?

You need to let your body and mind be happy and the only way to do that is by eating enough. Please go to letsrecover.tumblr.com and find the FAQ section. There you can find alot of answers you may need. Kisses <3

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