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nutritional drinks : pros and cons ? Real food VS nutritinal drinks ?

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I think both weighing and not weighing is triggering too. But my doctor has helped me a lot with dealing with it. She makes me go on the scale backwards and then she tells me that "you've gained an OK amount of weight, it's not much but it's something. You look better already but you're still very thin. Keep up the good work".

I like to help you, so don't worry about it Smile I know how awful it is to have a billion questions and no answers!

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leaving to get results of thyroid and sodium tests ...

will keep you posted

Sweet dreams I love you

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I'm glad Smile 
Good luck!

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Hello Susan,

Had a nice busy weekend?

On my side, haven't hardly done anything...just went to the Library to get books and vacuumed a bit as dust was starting to look at me (I can be very lazy regarding house cleaning)

So it was more a sleep/TV/eat weekend.

I have upped my calory intake this week-end from 1300 to 1600 and my weight increased of 700g over the weekend !!!
Trigerring but I suppose this is the may it goes...and have to go through without thinkin too much about it.

Something weird and frightening is happening: hunger...I am just hungry.
After breakfast i usually have a snack and have to force me to eat it as i am not hungry...now i am looking forwards to as i am hungry
same for lunch, usually i dread them as i do not feel hungry now i look forwards to it
and it goes on and on and on with each meal and snack
Every meal just fit in, even if they are more hearty and a little bigger

But still it is triggering as i have bulimia/purging tendencies
i fear that if i listen to those hunger appeals i just dive head first into a B/P process
i do not want this ! i have to restrain and control this hunger and it is quite difficult.

Any ideas ?

Seeing Doc this evening ( + i have to see, next week, occupational health Doc...and THIS is preoccupies me as I do not want to be labbelled as "unfit" to work...I will have to ask my Doc to make me a health certificate saying that I can work...hole day sitting behing a screen....)

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My weekend was nice Smile My boyfriend and I went to see some friends that live far away.

Resting is the best thing you can do right now so don't feel bad about it Smile And 700 g is a great achievement (although most probably water weight)! You should be proud that you are managing to eat more and more Smile 
I experienced the same thing with the hunger. Just when my intake crept over 1000 kcal the extreme hunger hit! It was very scary, but it also felt really good to feel real hunger again Smile I think it may help you to think about this hunger as your body's way of letting you know what it needs. Think of it as a sign that your body is starting to trust you again and that it is speeding up the metabolism! Also try to eat often so the extreme hunger don't get so extreme that you end up purging. The ideal thing is to just stuff your face until it ends, but if that triggers you to purge then it may be better if you keep eating small portions all the time instead. 

I think that you should tell your doctor that working is actually good for you (I felt like that at least). Being home alone with anorexia only makes it worse! Structure and the feeling of accomplishment is good, so tell him that you need to work if that is how you feel. My doctor said the same thing to me. I work 50 % because he thought that it would be good for me to have extra time to eat a big breakfast and to go home earlier if I felt bad, but staying home all the time is never good! Also, maybe you can ask the same doctor to assist you with the weighing? It may be less triggering for you if you go on the scale backwards so you can't see the number and then he will tell you "you're doing fine but you still need to gain" or "you need to increase because your weight is not going up" or something like that.

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Hello,

so I saw my doctor yesterday evening and we taled about my blood results.
either does he understand what is going on as i have hyperthyroidisme results (but T4 is normal) with hyperthyroidisme symptoms....very low sodium but no sodium loss in urines....
all I have to do is just add salt to each of my meals and I will have to make an other blood test in 2 month to see if anything changed....otherwise he will refer me to a specialist and have an echography of mu thyroid.

I have a question...how much cal do you eat now?
I mean i jumped during the weekend from 1300 to 1600 and suddenly i have been gaining weight and still this morning weight is increasing and it makes me uncomfortable...by uncomfortable i mean mentally uncomfortable, fidgeting...it is going suddenly too fast and just makes me want to decrease my intake of stop increasing my intakes in order not to continue putting on weight.

How did you manage not to slip backwards or continue increasing your intakes ?

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Adding salt may be good, but when I was restricting I had the experience that I could not hold any salt or water in my body. I craved a lot of salt and my sensitivity towards salt also decreased so much that people would think a was weird for adding that much salt to my food. The only thing that helped me with this problem was to increase my intake and gain weight. It took me some months before my salt cravings stabilized, but they did.

I'm not counting exactly anymore but I would guess I'm eating 2200-2500 on normal days and more if there is something special going on. Your quick weight gain is water, I promise! But gaining is a good thing so keep increasing sweetie! Many people actually get their metabolisms fired up when they increase to the minimums and gain less by eating more. 
I strongly ask you to have someone else weigh you so you don't get so triggered by the numbers. I know I would have freaked out if I knew. My doctor recently told me that during the first weeks of refeeding I gained several kilos per week! It was mostly water of course but I'm glad I didn't know how much it really was at that time.

I managed to not slip my reminding my self that the risk of overshooting my set point weight is greater when we restrict during recovery. It's important that we give our bodies every reason to trust us so that it fixes all the damage. If you don't want to gain just fat and never become healthy and completely fixed again, you need to increase until you manage to eat the minimums. It the only way and I know you can do it Smile

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ideed it is hard to believe that the less you eat the more weight you gain and the more you eat the less you will put on...speed meaning!

anyway this morning i had my second breakfast (french bun...in France they are quite buttery, this is why they taste so good!)

you are probably right that it is water as my ankles are swollen, i can hardly see my ankles and i feel that my eyes are puffy (not of tiredness)

yes, if goel is to be healthy there is no other magic solutions than eat rest eat and stop thinking anything else than eat rest eat rest to get better

is your 2000-25000 intuitive eating or you still have to think eating and have to upper your calories to 2500+ ?

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Yes, it's hard to believe, but look at it like this: imagine you have a car that turns into a racer car if you fill it up with a lot of fuel. A racer car will empty that fuel quicker because it has a high performance (fast acceleration , i.e. metabolism). Now imagine this car only gets a little fuel and don't turn into a racer car. Then the car will burn the fuel slowly and performance will be quite bad.

I'm getting intuitively to this amount Smile

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i though that we were supposed to maintain at 2500+ as 2500 were strict minimums

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The minimums are strict during recovery so during recovery it's important to eat 2500+. But after all the symptoms of starvation are gone and you start to eat by hunger cues, then many people end up eating a bit less. This is because the body has nothing more to repair. But some days I'm eating more that the minimums so in total I guess it evens out to about the minimums. 
Do be worried about eating too much in recovery. If you do, then the only thing that will happen is that you will fix the damage faster (extreme hunger tends to push people way over the minimums because of this). After recovery you may be wanting a bit less (but still closer to 2500 than 2000).

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when and how did you start eating intuitively ? when and how did feel you could eat so?

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When all my starvation symptoms were gone. Believe me, you will know when they are gone. You get a feeling that it feels right to eat 2500 (you are naturally hungry for that).

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Something just crossed my mind a few min ago: I eat quite a lot soy products (milk in morning cereals, tofu curd and yogurts) + also qui a lot of brocolis, cauliflowers, cabbage....
I remninded that i came across an article mentionning that they were controversial food items especially regarding the thyroid

I hate to have such open questions on my mind and called my doc...well, yes I have to drastically reduce my soy and cruciferous intake AND increase salt....

Poor me, "cruciferous lover" (brocolis, red and white cabbage, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, spinach...)
it is going to be bye bye cruciferous and Soy for 2 months and we will see if it changed something on the next blood test.

Funny how food can have such influence on your health

Well, bottom line, i am really not the spoiled one: I have to be lactose free, almost gluten free (or eat a little bit and not everyday or twice in a day) and now soyfree and almost cruciferous free.
Same I have to go easy on pulses and nuts, peanuts, pears, sweet potates as also Goitrogenic foods

more over I do not eat meat nor fish and rarely eggs (can't eat the yolk as allergic to)

Not much left....i have to avoid all the food i like and crave !

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I don't see the point in cutting out ALL the soy, but there is a chance that you will feel better if you decrease the amount. When it comes to intolerances to gluten and dairy, they will not kill you (or permanently damage you) so you can have a bit of them too. You can also buy the enzyme lactase at a drug store to help you digest the lactose better so you can eat more milk. As for meat and fish, I advise you to try them because they are really good for your body. I'm not sure if you avoid them due to health reasons or ethical reasons, but if it's the last one, then consider eating them through recovery at least. 

The stomach will probably feel awful during recovery no matter what you eat so the food may not make that much of a difference anyways. Intolerances are often cured as well when the body suddenly has enough energy to digest properly.

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if I do not eat meat/fish: vegetarian since childhood. My mother gave up feeding me with as i refused to eat it or would spit it if hidden at my knowledge.

If it was so simple as for gluten and lactose: it just get worse if i try to eat them.
I used to have them without abusing and was always sick (as a child i was skinny + headaches + frequently vomit) = had to take them off my diet.
Instantly got better and was able to put on a bit of weight.

Of course I will not die of but will greatly suffer, thing i can not allow to happen actually.

A few day ago I tried chicken breast. It has been a fiasco. Not only i did like it but the whole night i had stomac cramps. So Full stop.

Think I will have to juggle a bit with my food for a while and find the best for me

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Just keep trying sweetie Smile There are still plenty of foods to eat Smile

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sure !
The good thing is that i will have to get out of my daily basis (everyday) same food, routine of well known food to go to fear, unknown and new food items.

I suppose that during recovery you discovered new food items or tried to eat food you thought you disliked!

But have you ever tried food you thought you disliked (ED telling that you dont like it) and realised that you like them or really did not like them at all ?

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Yes, you need to challenge yourself Smile ED convinced me that I didn't like pizza, but it turns out that I love it Smile Why not make yourself a gluten free pizza topped with mushrooms, tomato sauce and cheese (very little lactose in hard cheeses)?

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tonight I have my meal ready in the fridge (for 2/3 days ahead)
Yes, I have boxes with portion I HAVE to eat for lunch and supper
It helps me avoid thinking to much about what I am going to eat, to change mind at the last second....
I just grab the box and eat, EVERYTHING

So I think that tonight is brocolis and carrots, rice and vegan surimi
+ 550 calories nutritionnal drinks/pudding


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Sounds lovely Smile It's very clever of you to prepare your meals like that, especially now when it's critical that you gain! Keep going girl Smile

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do you really think it is a good idea or shall i force myself to face the food and not prepare boxes ahead?

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Well, i guess it's a matter of priority. If this is what you need to do right now to get food inside you without struggling too much, then do it. Later in recovery when you feel stronger, then you can try to challenge yourself more. It's only good if you manage to challenge your fears now, but if it's too much right then you need to do whatever it takes to get enormous nutrition right now.

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Good morning

Sweet dreams last night?

It is strange how somme days I can feel lethargic and other I am sleepless.
Last night was one of my sleepless night. But fortunately, as we had a district power failure, so even if alarm did not ring I was already awake.

Have any tips agains super painfull, super swollen ankels ? They are so swollen that they have disapeared. Same for thighs & calves, swallen and streach.
I put legs up, massage with essential oils, cold water....nothing relieves.

Swollen face also...I just feel that the whole body has swollen, I just ballooned !

What did you do and how long did it last if you also experienced it?

I do not really know if it is food struggeling but I am also a little lazy when its cooking time + I do not like to cook.
So I commit 1-2 times a week and cook cook cook and put everything in boxes - fridge and freezer.
Handy ....but I eat the same thing the whole week.
I just cook rice or potatoes.

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I slept okay I guess. Nightmares and such but I slept at least. 

I don't think there's anything to do about swelling besides continuing to increase your intake. It's a good sign though, meaning that your body is responding to the food and trying to start some healing processes. It also important to rest a lot. I always got more water retention after putting myself through stressful events like walking too much, carrying heavy baggage, having too much to do etc. It decreased a bit when I rested for a few days and eating enough. The worst period of water retention went away after a couple of months in recover. Use the swelling as motivation to keep increasing your intake until you reach the minimums. It will never go away if you keep eating below that. 

About the cooking: continue to do this if this is what you need to do right now to get enough food. Later, when you get more energy and you have faced your fears more, then you will probably feel more like cooking. Take one step at a time and don't expect to win all the battles in one day. To get some more variation you can add different things to each box of rice/potato. If you by some canned foods then you just put them straight into the boxes, f.ex mushrooms, corn, beans, lentils, tomatoes etc. Different spices can also be added.

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