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1 up and down on Sun Feb 22, 2015 12:29 pm

hi everybody,

i am from germany and i hope you will understand my not-very-good-english haha Surprised
well, i found this blog by pure chance and i guess that saves me!
i am in "own recovery" for 1-2 months. Honestly I wanted to recover 2 years ago - but i always relapsed beacause i never had the REAL strengh to fight against my anorexia. i always "run back" to the anorexia when there were any problems. but from the beginning of the new year, i started REAL fighting and the first month i spent the most time with thinking about questions like: "why do i still need the anorexia?" and i am SO DAMN SURE: i don't wanna live with it anymore! i am 23, i spent nearly 8 years with this horrible illness ans i can't take it anymore. so i started eating. by the way: i have support from my doc and something like a "coach" who motivates me over and over again and gives me a lot of mental support (he helps me to deal with my psylogical pressure which are the causes für my ED). So I felt strong enough to start it.. But it is SO hard.
i have to gain 15 kg ( i hope its ok to post it?!) but i am full all the time! when i eat "much" it is just about 1600 calories at the end of the day. but i already have to force myself to this number of calories! i read about the minniemaud-method last week and while i read it i thought: "oh yes, i will DO THIS because i want to be HEALTHY and leave this horrible ED behind!" - and since then i never never reach the minimums of 3000 calorien. i reached 2000 calories for 2 times- but thats it.
i try to found the "key" and something like a "recepie": how on earth do i reach 3000 calories? the bad voice insinde my head don't want it and i feel guilty if i eat much.
i really want it but.. i don't know what to do. i wish i could do the minniemaud-method so i will be happy again and i will be LIVING again!!! No

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2 Re: up and down on Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:29 pm

Hi!

Super das du endlich gesund werden willst!
Warscheinlich ist der Grund wieso du keinen Hunger hast einfach das dein Körper sich schon zu lange damit abgefunden hat das er eh nichts bekommt, und deshalb garnicht mehr mal fragt (Das heisst nicht das du die Kalorien nicht brauchst!!). Ich denke, dein Bauch einfach voll ist, weil er nicht genug Bakterien und Energie hat um richtig zu verdauen. Das wird besser wenn du mehr isst, aber bis dahin ist eine gute Methode einfach Sachen zu essen die leicht verdaulich sind, und nicht so viel Platz einnehmen (z.B. Weissbrot, Erdnussbutter, Schokolade, Eis, Bananen, usw (letsrecover.tumblr.com hat noch viel mehr Ideen) sonst sind auch "liquid calories" gut, also Milch, Kakao, Saft oder halt Ensure o.ä.).

Bitte kämpfe weiter!!

(Ich hoffe das es ok war das ich auf Deutsch geantwortet habe)

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3 Re: up and down on Mon Feb 23, 2015 2:59 pm

You should be so proud of yourself for doing this Smile And I'm so glad to see that you have a support network around you to help you get through this.

Minnimaud is definitely the best way of recovering as it give your anorexia no change of arguing. My best tip for you to get to 3000 is by eating energy dense foods like nuts, oil, chocolate, calorific drinks and so on. These kinds of foods don't fill you up as much and you therefore don't feel so "stuffed". Have you seen the website http://letsrecover.tumblr.com/  ? They have posted meal plans for 3000 kcal Smile

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4 Thank you SO MUCH! on Wed Feb 25, 2015 3:51 pm

thank you very much for your answers!

i don't feel good about hearing "you should be proud of yourself" - i don't feel so Crying or Very sad i think there is NOTHING i should be proud of because i don't reach 3000 calories. and that i am not proud because i am still ill and not healthy No
i can't imagine to eat 6x a day meals of 600 calories - this is so DAMN MUCH! i am not afraid of the food - but my stomach is full - even if i am eating things like white bread, chocolate... i took a look at the meal-planing but... well, i don't know why the hell i not reach 3000 calories!!! Mad Question Neutral Crying or Very sad

@hexe: natürlich ist es ok, dass du auf deutsch antwortest! Smile allerdings war ich sehr überrascht das die erste antwort auf deutsch kam Smile bist du aus deutschland?
danke jedenfalls für deine rückmeldung, ich hätte gar nicht erwartet, dass jemand antwortet. denn im prinzip sind es ja immer dieselben anliegen, solche fragen wurden sicher schon 10000x gestellt... aber es ist einfach so ein riesen riesen rätsel für mich, wie so viele die 3000 kalorien erreichen und durchhalten. selbst wenn ich denke "heut schaffst du es sicher, so gut und viel wie du isst" - dann hab ich einen guten tag und esse 3 brötchen, zwischendurch butterzopf, nutellabrote,... und auch abends ess ich trotzdem weil ich hoch motiviert bin. um dann wenn ich langsam ins bett gehe festzustellen "ok, es sind grad mal 2000 kalorien/ 2200 kalorien gewesen".... ich hab keine ahnung wo ich noch mehr essen hinstecken soll.

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5 Re: up and down on Wed Feb 25, 2015 4:02 pm

Being proud is not only about what you have accomplished, but also what you have decided that you WANT to accomplish! That's why I told you to be proud of yourself Smile 

I promise you, 3000 is not that much. But you will have to get used to it. Try to increase with 100 kcal a day (equals only 4-5 small squares of chocolate).

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6 Re: up and down on Wed Feb 25, 2015 4:18 pm

hey susannsk,

allright... that seems to be possible. i thought i have to increase to 3000 IMMEDIATLY because if i increase slowly my metabolism won't work and fast as my metabolism would do by eating consequently 3000 calories.
i want to do this - i really do! but i am not strong and i am not consequent enough... i hope that will change soon. and i am afraid (like many others) that my stomach will adjust to all those big and many amounts of food so that i will NEVER EVER REACH a "normal" eating-order and will always be eating-DISordered.. Neutral
i guess the only way is: to eat, to eat, to eat and see what will happen if i reach a normal weight, right? Crying or Very sad

what about you? are you one of the "lucky winners" in the fight against the anorexia? Surprised

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7 Re: up and down on Wed Feb 25, 2015 4:31 pm

Make yourself a plan - as detailed as possible on how you plan to manage going slowly up to 3000. Make this YOUR project! You made anorexia your project for long, but now you can replace it with a healthier one Smile 

Actually, this amount of food will not make your stomach bigger than it should be, because this is a normal amount to eat for most people (I know you don't really believe that, but it's true). Even if you get extreme hunger and go way over 3000, your stomach will not get stretched out (only for a few hours and then go back again to its regular size). And I promise you that you WILL get to a point where your eating becomes less and less disordered. This will happen almost completely by itself because your body will start to trust you, and then you will experience an increased trust back towards your body Smile You will reach a normal weight! You will not keep gaining forever because that would defy the laws of energy! But, yes, you need to experience this by yourself to believe it completely.

I'm 5 months into recovery now. I've gained back most of the weight (seems to be stabilizing at the lower end of the healthy BMI range). I still have disordered thoughts, but they appear less frequent. I'm a million times better than I was when I was still in the depths of my ED! So I will therefore say that I'm a winner - or more correctly: I'm confident that I WILL get there soon! Giving up is not an option because I've gained back my life in this process and that's not something I would even consider giving up just to become a few sizes smaller!

You can be a lucky winner too, you have to believe that! <3

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8 wow! on Wed Feb 25, 2015 4:42 pm

congratulations on your success! i get tears of joy when i read your post and recognize that there is another one who MADE it and (will) reach the goal i also have: a life without anorexia.
and i get also tears of joy that you understand my posts even if my english isn't that much good Laughing haha

100 calories more is just a little glas of milk - i think i should drink some calories if i don't manage it to EAT all of these calories....

i hope it is true that my stomach will NOT adjust to tons of food - i think that this is the only barrier why i can not reach the minimums. maybe it isn't the feeling of being full all the time - maybe it is a mental problem...

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9 Re: up and down on Wed Feb 25, 2015 4:48 pm

I'm thrilled about my own success as well Smile And it's not a problem to understand your English as it's quite good Smile 
Yes, 100 kcals should be easy, especially if you drink them! See, you already know the answers Smile

It is true, I promise! I've done it, and my stomach is still very flat and I've regained the same hunger that I had before I got sick Smile I've actually realized that I have been eating the minimums all my life except for the period when I was sick Smile So you can get past this mental barrier as so many have done MM without getting strethed out stomachs Smile

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10 ...:) on Wed Feb 25, 2015 5:02 pm

i say it again: THANK YOU SO MUCH! i will try it - yes i do! today i will make a plan how to add 100 calories step by step (not only by milk haha Smile ) and then i will start.

if you don't mind i would report to you how it works?! i think a feedback would be helpful an maybe more motivating.. but just if you really don't mind!!! i could imagine that you have a lot of other (better) things to do....

thanks for everything I love you

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11 Re: up and down on Wed Feb 25, 2015 5:47 pm

Please do report Smile

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