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Feeling stupid

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1 Feeling stupid on Wed Apr 15, 2015 8:26 am

The one thing that motivates me the most to recover is that I miss being able to think. I can notice myself being aloof, taking longer time to get a joke or to understand concepts. This is something that never used to happen to me before ED. Now I can't seem to concentrate for more than 5 minutes on anything and it drives me crazy. I am currently in postgraduate studies and this is killing me, I just wish I could recover quicker Sad Have any of you had similar experiences? If so, how far into recovery did you start feeling a bit smarter? what were the signs you felt of your brain getting better?

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2 Re: Feeling stupid on Fri Apr 17, 2015 8:30 pm

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I can only speak of myself, but I think this is consequence most of us have to deal with. By the way - it has nothing to do with being smarter. The smartest thing to do now is recovering, and eating lots of chocolate Smile Your brain just clings to your ED, it keeps thinking about food, food, food and how to save your life because you're most likely terribly malnourished.
In my case, it got better as soon as I was gaining weight, but it wasn't even close to perfect at this time. My first "achievement" I remember is that I was able to be concentrated for like half an hour (which was a lot for me). Now being weight restored, I no longer have problems to focus (expect I'm hungry... well, then I'm hungry) and it's still a DAMN good feeling!
I hope you'll get there soon, I am sure you can achieve this!

3 Re: Feeling stupid on Mon Apr 20, 2015 11:34 am

I can totally relate. I experienced that my mind went more and more back to normal the more I ate and gained. Suddenly, and I do mean suddenly, I was laughing again and it felt so good! Hang in there, it will get better sooner than you think!

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4 Re: Feeling stupid on Mon May 11, 2015 12:19 pm

Thank you both for your advice! I guess I will just have to be patient. I have been trying but I still don´t see much difference in me (in any sense). All I feel right now is fear. Fear of ballooning up, fear of never feeling full, fear of continuing eating while others are full, fear of letting my family or friends see pictures of my sickly thin body, fear of never being happy again. I just wish I could drink a magic glass of liquid containing 3000 calories everyday and feel satisfied with it. Sorry for the negativity... Here i am avoiding going grocery shopping because once I get there I won´t know what to buy. I just wish I could follow a normal person around all day and eat exactly what they eat instead of living in my head.

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5 Re: Feeling stupid on Mon May 11, 2015 12:52 pm

I had the exact same fears as you, but now when I look back, there was never any reason to be that scared. You WILL get to a point where you're not that hungry anymore, you will not grow into a balloon, how your body looks and feels will not always scare you and grocery shopping will once again feel normal. All of these things will happen and the only thing you can do to get there is to tale small steps every day. Focus on what you can do today - write a list of what you want (or just write something even though you don't want anything), go to the store and buy it. Then eat it. Small steps is what you need to focus on. You can do it Smile

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6 Re: Feeling stupid on Mon May 11, 2015 11:51 pm

Thank you so much, I have never thought about having small challenges everyday. I think that makes it easier than thinking of recovery as just one big overwhelming challenge ... to gain weight. Your post came at the perfect time as I was at the store when I received your reply. I bought pasta, a fear food I have been avoiding to buy for a while even though I rarely ate it pre ed. I cooked it today for dinner and enjoyed it. Another challenge for me is cooking nice elaborate meals for myself, I am afraid of experimenting or even spending on better ingredients for me. I don't feel like I deserve them but I guess that could be my next challenge. As a matter of fact this doesn't happen only with food, it also happens with new clothes, makeup, a ticket to the cinema, or just anything that could be fun. I just don't think I deserve them and I only buy them or do them when someone else convinces me... do you know if this is common in ed sufferers?

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7 Re: Feeling stupid on Tue May 12, 2015 8:52 am

I'm so glad my response helped you Smile 

Yes, I think it's very common among ED sufferers to think that they don't deserve anything good. And it's really a shame because it's not true. We all deserve good things in life! Having this as your next challenge sounds really wise Smile Practice being good to yourself  I love you

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