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What you allow is what will continue

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1 What you allow is what will continue on Thu Nov 06, 2014 3:38 am

Hey guys
I don't know how to start this. I guess there is no right or wrong way
It's quite simple in fact: i feel alone. It's been almost 2months since i started recovery and before i was perfectly fine with loneliness. To be honest that's all i wanted. I didn't want to see anybody, i was hiding from everyone, including myself. But now i don't know. I pushed away all my friends so now i feel like i have nobody. I feel like no one could understand what i've been throught. Does anyone else ever felt the same? Does it get better? Things have been going well with recovery, it's very hard but i'm glad i chose recovery, i chose me over anorexia. But it's like nobody really understands how serious it is. People seems to think that everything will go away with some burgers and cakes. But it won't. It's deeper than that, it's about trust issues, low and or inexistant self-esteem. I'm afraid of meeting new people, of letting go, to step out of my comfort zone. I'm afraid of having fun, i'm afraid to discover the real me. I never allowed myself to do that.

I'm not sure where this is going tbh. I guess i just needed to talk and you are all i have right now.
I just want to say that it is okay to feel lonely sometimes, as long as you remember that it is just a feeling. Sadness, loneliness, despair, distress.. those feelings will go away if you allow yourself to live and to feel them.

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2 Re: What you allow is what will continue on Thu Nov 06, 2014 6:27 am

Amalie

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I can relate. I see many go through this phase of painful ''recovery depression'' where everything seems hopeless, pointless and wrong, and the future seems dark. You might not feel ready to find yourself now, but do you know what? When you are recovered, the real finding yourself process starts, as your brain is capable of functoning properly. Like you said, food will not cure all the emotions behind an eating disorder - but it will make it easier to deal with. Give it time, food, rest and hope<3

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3 Re: What you allow is what will continue on Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:57 pm

I can relate to nobody really understanding what you're going through. It's a life threatening disease we're battling here! But you should know that everyone in this forum knows how you feel  Wink So use us as much as you need! We're here for each other!  I love you

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4 Re: What you allow is what will continue on Thu Nov 06, 2014 3:52 pm

I understand exactly what you're saying, and it's the same with me.
I think we just have to realize that no one is going to understand what we're going through unless they've gone through it themselves. The best we can do it just try our hardest to help them understand. It's scary and hard but if we explain to them how we're feeling, then they can help us more as well. Remember, it's confusing and hard on them too.
Fear is just a lie, and you have the power to overcome it. But you have to do something. It won't just go away on it's own- it goes away by us doing what scares us no matter what. You're stronger than fear.
I'm always here if you need someone to talk to Smile

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5 Re: What you allow is what will continue on Wed Nov 12, 2014 10:28 am

I can relate too. I isolated myself as much as I possibly could during ED, and I even (sincerely!) believed that I liked it, that I was "just a lone wolf". This turned out to be a huge problem after starting recovery.
Suddenly I felt lonely. Like, really lonely. Because I was convinced that all my best friends hated me for shutting them out for so long. I wouldn't really blame them. I thought I had to make new friends, and that seemed scary. What if I ran into my old friends?
Then after a while, I decided to contact a couple of them. To meet someone for coffee. It went surprisingly well. These people, who turned out to having always cared about me, didn't even feel betrayed. They understood that I had isolated for a reason that had nothing to do with them. I don't think they understood WHY I isolated (I have trouble "talking about it" occasionally), but they never guilt-tripped me for it, and I think they have basically been guessing (i.e. she was depressed, she felt too much body shame, she experienced social anxiety, etc).
I have also been totally mindblown later, when I have run into other old friends that I didn't "officially apologise" to - every time, they have seemed nothing but happy to see me. Even when I went to a party with them (scared to death before it), it was so great! Nothing to be scared about. No uncomfortable questions, no hard feelings, no suspiscion. Only joy.
Sorry for writing a whole novel here, I just thought my experience could help Smile

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6 Re: What you allow is what will continue on Thu Nov 27, 2014 7:53 pm

Woah! Thank you all sooo much..! It feels good to be remind that we're never totally alone. I'm glad this forum exists, otherwise i could never had met such strong and lovely people! Smile

Oigunn, that's exaclty how i feel! I avoided my 'old' friends for so long, now i feel like there's a huge wall between us. I pretty much told nobody about my ed and even with the rare who knows i dont feel as close as we used to be years ago. But i think that's okay, i dont want to cry over the past and tbh i think its time for me to meet new people & to have a fresh new start! Smile & i'm glad you shared your story! I can relate to alot of what you said actually & it helps to know im not the only one :3

*Sorry for the VERY late respond btw Shocked

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