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I'm so afraid

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1 I'm so afraid on Wed Nov 19, 2014 9:11 am

Hi everyone! This is my first post in this forum. This is my story. Last year, I struggled with anorexia, and I decided to recover since February this year. My pre-ed weight was 50-52 kg and my lowest weight was 37 kg (height 158 cm). I ate more and binged so many times. Now, I'm an exchange student in USA, and my weight is around 47-48 kg which scares me a lot. I fear that I will keep gaining and gaining. However, good news is that bingeing seems to fade away because I eat much more than last year. I eat fear food such as cakes and ice cream. I eat 5 times a day that are breakfast,lunch, afternoon snacks, dinner and night snacks. I sometimes feel that it's too much because some of my friends don't eat breakfast, skip dinner, etc.

I'm afraid that when I go back to my home country, I have to wear a bigger school uniform, then my friends will tell me that I'm a lot fatter. The most important thing is that, in last january I met a guy who seems to like me, at that time I was only around 40 kg. I will have a chance to meet him again when I go back to my home country. I fear that if he sees the 'new' me, he will stay away from me because I don't look pretty anymore.

Please help.
Thank you

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2 Re: I'm so afraid on Wed Nov 19, 2014 12:05 pm

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The only one to help you is yourself.
You are doing good, do you know that? You might think you eat 'too much' (even if there is no such thing as eating too much), but I bet you don't. As you realized on your own, you don't binge anymore, and this is because you eat ENOUGH. And if you keep on doing this, your weight gain WILL stop. On the other hand, if you restrict again, it won't.
And no, you don't eat too much because your friends skip their meals. It is linked into our society that skipping meals is great, but believe me, it is not. It destroys your metabolism. It makes your body go into starvation mode.
And regarding that boy issue - I don't think he'll think that because well, with 40kgs you were quite underweight. And in 99% of all cases, looking underweight/thin is very very scary. I bet he'll think you look great Smile
Don't be afraid. There's no reason to, I think you are doing quite good, keep on <3

3 Re: I'm so afraid on Wed Nov 19, 2014 2:54 pm

What bellaswayback said!  cat
Also, please remove the weight numbers from your post, as it can be triggering.

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4 Re: I'm so afraid on Thu Nov 20, 2014 4:58 pm

I can relate..! I'm the same height/weight as you are right now and i totally understand that you are afraid that the weight gain wont stop. But it will. Your body knows what it needs, we just have to let go and to trust ourselves. Regarding to boys, if he doesn't like the new you, the healhty and happy you, well you can tell him to go to hell ..! Don't let what other people think of you affect your self-esteem. You are pretty, you are strong, kind, courageous no matter what guys/friends/family say. If some people dont like you the way you are, its only be cause they arn't worth a second of your time.
Good luck hunn ..! xox

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